The Show Must Go On

Guest Blog by Matthew Parsons

Although, in truth, I was never very good at role play and my participation in a role play group as a pre-teen was mostly due to the kindness and patience of the host of friends my sister had found herself connected with at that time, I attribute much of my love of writing to the times when I got to sign in to this little world that they had created. It was the first time I felt like I belonged to anything, even though my character and I were most certainly tangential to the real story being created. I am happy to say that one contribution I made to the story stuck. The name of the first true villain the group encounters. Detraf. That's farteD backwards, if you haven't figured it out already. And while the joke was terribly immature and the name only moderately interesting besides, it fit the nature of this villain and the carefree attitude befitting of younger minds exploring a fantasy realm. Detraf represented childishness, boyhood ignorance, and a very healthy ability to not take ourselves too seriously. Here is a new imagining of a scene in which the incredibly powerful but incredibly stupid, Lord Detraf of the Seven Cities is introducing himself to the team of adventurers for the first time after he has captured them on behalf of the villainous would-be rulers of the realm.

The Show Must Go On

The lights were low. Candles flickered in the corner. Light beamed from underneath the curtain and water dripped dramatically from the ceiling. A man in a long, dark cloak stood, knees locked, breathing deliberate but shakey. Heels clicked the hard, stone floor at his side.

"They're waiting, lord Detraf."

Silence.

"Ecuse me si-"

"I can't go on, Tish," sobbed the man.

The young woman's eyes began to adjust to the dramatic lighting. She brushed a stray hair from her eyes and saw that the man was crying magnificent crocodile tears.

"Oh there, there, my lord," she cawed, "They're just like any lowly peasant.  You'll do wonderfully."

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course!"

"Well, alright then. I suppose it's time, after all. Let's give them what they came for."

He cleared his throat as Tish straightened up his cloak and re-applied pine resin to hold his hairs in place.

The curtain was then thrust open and the light became enhanced by hanging torches and windows so high on the walls that their light barely reached the floor.

The company of heroes were each tied by their hands and feet, their weapons long since discarded.

"What a beautiful dungeon you have," remarked Zi enthusiastically. Yuna pinched her hard on the earlobe and she winced and looked emotionally hurt.

The others shot her a glance that said, with little to no uncertainty, to keep her mouth shut.

The man in the cloak cleared his throat.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here," he began. Blue began to speak up, but was interrupted by his booming voice, "the answer is quite simple: peace. You want peace. I want peace. We all want a little peace. I just think I need a little bigger piece than you, am I right?" A grin broke out across his face and he waited, but was met with silence and looks of confusion.
"Forget it," he said, "the reason I brought you here is because I want you to succeed, the way that I have succeeded. Look around you, and what do you see?"

"Not a whole damn lot, frankly," said Blue.

"You should see it in the day time," said the man, "the stone work is really quite remarkable. I had it made. By peasants. Lots of them died in its construction but you can't beat that cut stone sleakness. But I digress." He began to pace, but tripped on his robes, narrowly catching his balance with the next step.

"My name is Detraf, Lord of the Seven Cities, master of darkn-"

"Excuse me," interrupted Alaster, "is there anyway we could get some light in here? I can barely see. I mean, do you keep it this dark to scare prisoners or to hide that ridiculous hairpiece?"

"I promise you, my hair is real. I have the realest hair. I mean, I have tremendous hair. You'd be very jealous."

"Right," said Blue, "about like he's jealous of that gut that you're trying to hide in those impractically oversized robes."

"Look, stop interrupting, we've got a lot of ground to cover. As I was saying. We all want peace, the problem is, I have so much more power than you. Sorry. You're puny compared to me. I have tremendous power. I mean, if you could just see it, you wouldn't believe how powerf-"

"Did you say your name was Detraf?" Blue asked. There was a momentary paused.

"He did say as much, didn't he," Gwuryn added.
Fae piped up, "that's what I heard."
All nodded and mumbled affirmations.

"What?" Detraf called out, "what? What are you saying that for?"

"Isn't that," Alaster said, "'farted,' backwards?"

All in the company laughed and struggled to stay upright. Zi stared blankly for a moment and then joined in on the communal chuckle.

Detraf's left eye twitched. He looked off to the left, where Tish waited in the wings just in time to see a small chuckle escape her lips. Then he looked back at Alaster and eyed him for a long while, long after the laughter had died down. His eyes got wider and wider.

Alaster met his gaze and focused his attention on the man as hard as he could to open up a path between their minds and maybe figure out how to escape. He finally felt the presence of foreign emotion in his subconscious mind and he honed in on it and heard....nothing. The mind he was reading was either well guarded or unencumbered by the thought process.

"Well, I think this was very productive day," Detraf announced finally, "It seems like you've all got some ligitimate concerns and we're opening up and talking about them. That's great. How about I let you out and we'll all get together and talk about your transgressions against the realm in the morning over tea and boiled eggs and little sausages?"

"But sir-" Tish started.

"Untie them, Tish," Detraf said, "they know we mean business." He proudly turned to walk out and a gust of wind caught the edge of the Waeger skin he used for a toupee and blew it out of place. He adjusted it quickly and threw an arm around in front him so as to coax his robes into a flourish of drama. What he succeeded in doing was catching one end of the garb aflame.
He quickly shrugged it off into a pile on the floor where it burned to a fine cotton crisp. He then collected himself, and hurried out unceremoniously.

That answers that, thought Alaster.

Tish cut the ties on each of the heroes, against her better judgement.
As she knelt to cut Gwuryn's restraints, the knight shifted his perspective to look behind him and said, "Tish. Tish, like tush but not as developed, if you know what I mean. Hey honey, while you're back there could you do me a big favor. You see, the pleasure houses in the greater realm don't allow this kind of thing, but I know your little darkling lords like it all BDSM style. Kinky bunch."
The thought of asking what BDSM was crossed all of their minds but no one dared.

Tish didn't respond.

They were all released into the open air and light through a long tunnel that led behind the fortress and were given a final, "The lord would like for you to stay in town and come back for brunch tomorrow, which I'm putting in his schedule now. So, you know, don't run off. "

As the company collected their possessions and headed straight for the edge of town, Blue remarked, "You see? I told you that guy was an idiot. Wouldn't know a band of renegades from one of minstrels."