Thursday, April 6, 2017

Modern TROUF: The Younger Days - "The Morning After"

A/N: Takes place immediately after "One Time Thing."

“Are you ashamed of yourselves?” Roger asked his roommate and the guy his roommate supposedly despised. He had called this ages ago but had still been hoping that it wouldn't come to fruition. “Do you repent of your wicked ways?”

“Give me some fucking coffee, Roger, or you'll be the one repenting,” said Alaster with a groan. His head hurt. He'd gotten practically no sleep the night before and it was way past time for coffee. Roger was monopolizing the coffee pot, using it to try and blackmail them into breaking up or something. Not that Alaster and Blue were together. But Alaster kind of thought they probably were now. He thought he should probably ask her about that, but couldn't imagine how he could ask it without sounding like an idiot.

Blue most certainly did not look repentant, her hair in a messy bun, clad in sweatpants and a tank top. She looked expectantly at her empty coffee cup without responding until Roger finally gave in and poured her coffee anyway.

“You don't deserve this coffee,” the blond-haired man told Alaster as he poured coffee for him as well.

“Oh, he earned it this time,” Blue said casually as she sipped her own brew.

Roger rolled his eyes and poured himself a portion in a travel cup. “I've got class, so I'm out of here. Thank god.”

“Thank god,” Alaster mimicked, making a face at the man's retreating form. He really hated Blue's roommate. Roger was so fucking worried that Alaster was going to screw up Blue's life. Maybe that was a reasonable concern, all things considered, but it was none of Roger's damn business. Whether or not he had the opportunity to screw up her life was Blue's decision.

“Does he have a thing for you or something?” he asked Blue suspiciously.

She snorted in amusement. “Relax. Roger's gay.”

“You're sure?” Alaster supposed it was fine that Roger was around all the time, so long as he wasn't trying to win Blue's affections. “He's... protective of you.”

“He doesn't want me dating a total ass hat, kind of hard to blame him for that,” said Blue. She was distracted by a paperback novel, which she'd bent practically in half. The woman loved books but seemed to have little respect for them outside of reading them. She treated them kind of like candy wrappers. Once she'd devoured their contents, she crumpled them up and tossed them aside.

He wondered how many she read over the course of a year. It seemed like she was holding one nearly every time he saw her. That was probably why she knew so much useless trivia.

“Are you?” he asked, and pretended he wasn't nervous about her answer. “Dating an ass hat, I mean.”

Blue lowered her book and looked at him for a long moment. “Is that what you want?”

“Who said anything about that?” Alaster blushed, turning red all the way to the tips of his ears. What the hell was he thinking? And why was he so afraid that she was going to say no? “You're putting words in my mouth now, woman. I'm starting to think you wanted last night to happen.”

“There's so much wrong with what you just said that I don't even know where to start,” Blue said, putting her book down on the table. She looked mildly irritated, but mostly she looked like she thought his discomfort was funny. “Allow me to dissect it and address it piece by piece. First things first, if I hadn't wanted last night to happen, it wouldn't have happened.”

Alaster grimaced. “I didn't mean to imply...” he began, but she cut him off.

“No, you were implying something else entirely, which brings us to our second point,” she said. “I didn't orchestrate yesterday so that we would end up sleeping together. Just like I didn't kiss you the other day to lure you into my bed. Although, regardless, it seems to have worked.

And finally, I'm not putting words in your mouth, I'm just saying out loud the things that you're too scared to say yourself and we both know it.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Alaster snapped at her. She always knew exactly what to say to hit him where it hurt. Last night, she hadn't done that. Her words had been as gentle as her touch. For a brief moment, he'd thought they had something, as cliché as that sounded. “You're the one who brought up dating anyway, I wasn't going to say anything.”

Blue picked up her book again. “Good, so we both understand that this was just for fun. No strings attached. Also, don't tell any of our friends about this. It's bad enough that Roger knows.”

Even coffee wasn't worth this, Alaster thought. He was surprised himself at how much Blue's nonchalance was bothering him. Maybe sleeping with her had been a bad idea. She was kind of the only real friend he had lately, and hanging around her was really the only thing that kept him from being sad and alone holed up in his sister's guest bedroom all of the time.

He rose from his seat and set about righting his clothing, which were quite rumpled since he'd been more focused on getting caffeine this morning than he had been on dressing. His sneakers were still in Blue's bedroom, and he silently cursed his luck before hurrying to fetch them. He tried not to look at the woman's undergarments, which were still strewn across her bedroom floor.

“Where are you going?” Blue asked when Alaster pulled on his jacket. She didn't look bothered, just curious. “You haven't finished your coffee. I figured I'd drop you off at Fae's on my way into work later.”

Alaster ran a hand through his hair, looking at his reflection in the mirror on the wall beside the door. His hair looked greasy. A shower would have been a good idea, he thought, but he wasn't about to ask Blue for the use of her bathroom after the scolding he'd just received.

“I'll catch a bus,” he muttered, checking his jacket pockets for his cigarettes. He really needed a smoke. Just the other day, he'd been telling Fae he was going to quit smoking, but it was hard enough to watch his drinking without giving up his other vices as well.

Part of him expected her to stop him. Her attitude this morning was surprisingly cold considering how she'd seemed to take a personal interest in him before. He didn't actually want to take the bus, after all, it was just that he couldn't stand sitting in her kitchen while she treated last night like it meant nothing.

“You got bus fare?” Blue asked without looking away from her book.

Alaster paused at the door and stared at her for a moment.

“Yeah,” he said finally, and opened the door. “I'll see you around.”


When Blue got to the coffee shop to start her shift, she was greeted by a flat look from Artemis, who shared it with her. She wasn't late so Blue wasn't sure what the look was about. She looked back at Artemis in confusion as she pulled on her apron.

“What?” she asked. “Do I have something on my face?”

“You got laid last night,” said Artemis, looking her up and down.

Blue flushed and pulled on her work hat, scowling at Artemis. “I have no idea how you'd know that, and you're seventeen, what the hell do you know about getting laid?”

“Are you for real?” Artemis just looked at her like she was crazy. “Not all of us spend our teenage years wearing a chastity belt.”

“Okay, I don't want to know.” Blue held up a hand to indicate that she was done with the conversation. “Did you flip the sign?”

“Yeah,” said Artemis with a nod. “Did you screw the short, angry dude or what?”

“That is most definitely none of your business,” Blue muttered, “and I don't know what you're talking about.”

She felt kind of bad about how she'd handled things this morning. Waking up next to Alaster Gwilimen had never been in her plans, and while she'd certainly enjoyed their relations the night before, she'd kind of panicked when she regained her common sense and remembered what a mistake this could turn out to be. Still, she hadn't been prepared for how hurt he'd looked when she'd reaffirmed that there was nothing serious between them.

Hadn't she said as much last night anyway? What else had he expected? Blue was used to feeling morally superior to Alaster but today she felt like she was the asshole for letting him leave on bad terms. She should have stopped him but she'd been afraid that if she stopped him, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from actually falling for the jerk.

“What was he like?” Artemis asked, grinning despite the warning glare that Blue sent in her direction. “Come on, don't be stingy with the details. Was he awkward as hell or was he great? Guy like him, I could see it going either way. He strikes me as rather repressed.”

“It was fine, now can we move on with our lives?” Blue tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and tried not to remember the way Alaster's fingers had stroked her hair last night. He'd been so tender, which had surprised her.

Yeah, so maybe she shouldn't have been so hard on him this morning. He'd looked ready to cry when he left, though she'd never seem him actually express an emotion besides anger or drunken amusement or haughty derision. Which probably made it worse that she'd actually hurt his feelings bad enough to make him look like that. Like he'd trusted her and she'd betrayed him somehow.

Damn it, no way was she going to feel guilty about this. She told him before they did anything that it was just a one time thing. He knew going in, so if he got emotionally invested anyway, that was no one's fault but his. Besides, if he'd stop being such a baby about it, maybe she wouldn't mind a repeat of last night.

“Did he let you see his feet? Shadow says he can't stand feet, like, at all. Did he make you keep your socks on?”

“You know, we weren't really paying much attention to our feet,” said Blue. She was ready for the lunch rush to hit. If they were busy serving customers, Artemis wouldn't have the time to ask her all these awkward questions. She grabbed a broom and handed it to her coworker. “If you've got time to talk, you've got time to sweep.”

Artemis gave her a sullen look as she took the broom. “Fine, be like that.”

Blue ignored her in favor of wiping down the already clean counters, just for good measure. Even if she'd wanted to talk about last night, she wasn't going to talk to a teenager about it, never mind how worldly Artemis was. It didn't seem right. If she was going to talk to anyone about it, she probably would have talked to Fae, but that was right out since it was Fae's brother that she'd taken home last night.

She was tempted to give her mother a call, but letting Flower know about her love life was always a mistake. Flower got too invested too fast in any person Blue slept with and/or dated, and Blue had learned a long time ago that it was better if her mother didn't know about the person until Blue felt suitably invested herself.

Thankfully, the lunch crowd started pouring in and Blue was too distracted serving coffee and pastries to spend much time worrying about Alaster Gwilimen and his sad puppy dog eyes. Those eyes were so blue. She got just a little distracted thinking about them and accidentally scalded herself with hot water, which caused her to curse loudly in the middle of the crowded coffee shop. Several customers looked up at her in surprise and Blue gave a nervous laugh before proclaiming that she was fine, just startled.

Luckily, she hadn't scalded herself badly, just left a slightly red patch of skin on her right hand. Still, it put her in a downright rotten mood for the rest of her shift. Even Artemis, who was the queen of teenage angst, avoided pissing Blue off after that and gave her a wide berth.

When she got off her shift, she drove her old station wagon to the grocery store. She was out of just about everything, including beer. Grabbing a six-pack to put in her cart, she mused for a moment that she might have to hide the bottles in the cheese drawer to keep Alaster out of them. Then she frowned because after this morning, she wasn't sure Al would have much reason to ever hang out at her apartment again. As much as he got on her nerves, the thought was kind of depressing. She'd gotten used to his obnoxious presence. Maybe having him around wasn't such a bad thing. Hell, maybe dating him wouldn't be such a bad thing.

She went home determined to put Alaster out of her mind. Nonetheless, she did stash the beer in the cheese drawer, just to be on the safe side. Alaster rarely searched the fridge for anything other than alcohol. He didn't eat enough, Blue thought, and he was going to make himself sick like that.

Rubbing her temples, she mentally scolded herself for letting her thoughts wander back to him. No, she decided, this evening was just for her. So she cleaned up the kitchen and dressed down to sweatpants and a tank top, her favorite outfit for relaxing around the house, opened a bottle of beer and sat down in the living room to watch Netflix.

About an hour later, Roger came in. After his classes at the local university, he had a job at Best Buy convincing people to purchase electronics, which he was good at, but he hated it. As usual, he came in looking exhausted and unhappy. He threw his jacket across the back of a kitchen chair and kicked off his shoes before throwing himself on the couch beside Blue with a groan.

“Working for the man is killing me, roomy,” he told Blue in a lamenting tone. “That cute guy I sold a laptop to last week? The laptop's already on the fritz and he came back in today just to give me the third degree about it. So much for slipping him my number. Says he's never shopping at Best Buy again.”

“Poor thing,” Blue cooed, petting Roger's hair. “Want a beer? They're in the cheese drawer?”

“The cheese drawer?” Roger looked perplexed but wandered back to the kitchen to fetch a drink anyway.

Blue's phone started to ring. She sighed, noting that the caller ID said it was Fae, and paused her Netflix show.

“Hello?”

Roger glanced over at her with a questioning look and she waved him off.

“Hi, Blue!” Fae's cheerful voice answered. “I'm really sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you've seen Alaster? He didn't come home last night but I try not to worry about that sort of thing, you know, because he's his own person and I can't exactly give him a curfew, but he hasn't been home all day and he's not answering his phone so I'm starting to get worried.”

Fuck, thought Blue. Of course the idiot hadn't gone home like he was supposed to. “Well, he stayed over at my apartment last night but he left this morning.”

“Oh, he... stayed over?” Fae's voice held a trace of curiosity. “Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know where he might be?”

“I have a few ideas,” Blue said with a sigh. She didn't want to tell Fae yet that she and Alaster had slept together, so she avoided that topic entirely. “Let me try to call him and if I can't get him, I'll drive around to a couple of the bars he likes and see if I can't find him.”

“I really appreciate that, Blue. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?”

“Probably better if I'm the one that does it,” said Blue. If Alaster had gone and gotten sloshed somewhere, he likely wouldn't want Fae finding him like that. Blue didn't know why she cared so much about what the guy wanted but she did, so she supposed the only thing she could do about it was roll with it.

She didn't bother to put on different clothes, just pulled on her boots and blue coat over her sweatpants and tank. “Roger, man, I've gotta go look for Alaster. Fae says he hasn't been home all day.”

Her roommate rolled his eyes and closed the fridge door. “I can't believe you're going out looking for him. It's almost dark. He's a grown man, he hardly needs adult supervision.”

Roger was just looking out for her, Blue knew, but she couldn't help feeling defensive about it. After all, it wasn't true. Alaster did need someone looking out for him. In fact, he needed at least Blue and Fae, and half the time Shadow got dragged into it as well. She doubted Roger was ever going to understand that.

“I know you think he's an asshole,” she said, grabbing her car keys and her purse, “and you're right, he is an asshole, but he's not a bad guy.”

“I don't think he's a villain or anything,” Roger corrected her. “He's just the kind of guy who can't help but take advantage of other people. Do you really want to spend all of your time chasing him down when he decides to go out and get trashed for no reason?”

A wry smile crossed Blue's face. “You know, I don't think I mind it all that much. I'll see you later, Roger.”


Calling Alaster's phone five times had no effect, except that on the fifth call it went straight to voicemail and Blue figured the battery had died. No matter, Alaster was a creature of habit and Blue had a pretty good idea of where he might be. His favorite bar wasn't all that far from Blue's apartment so she went there first.

When she walked in, the bartender recognized her right off the bat and pointed her to a corner booth before she could even ask the question. Blue rolled her eyes when she recognized Alaster surrounded by several women, one of whom was all snuggled up to him and at least a head taller than he was. Blue set her mouth in a thin line and told herself she was not jealous of the buxom blonde currently running her fingers through Alaster's hair.

“You poor thing,” she heard one of the woman gush as she neared the table. “How could she be so heartless?”

Blue paused before she reached the table. It seemed like Alaster hadn't noticed her yet so she took a moment to listen to the conversation.

“She hates me,” Alaster drunkenly stated, picking up his beer to take a long drink from it. Blue wondered how much he'd had to drink. He was slurring his words a bit. “And it's my fault! I know it is. Everything's always my fault. Fucking disappointment, just like dear old dad used to say.”

And at that, Blue had heard enough. She stepped up to the table, hands on her hips.

“Scram, girls, I need to talk to my friend here.” She glared at the women packed into the booth until they all reluctantly started to get up.

“Hey!” Alaster objected as the woman who'd been wrapped around him let go and stood up. He glared at Blue, though it wasn't a very menacing glare, considering that his eyes were glassy and his cheeks were bright red from too much drink. “The hell're you doing here, woman? I was talking with these nice ladies!”

When the women had cleared out, Blue sat down in the booth on the opposite side of the table from Alaster. She hailed a server and asked for a glass of water, despite Alaster waving a hand and insisting that he didn't need it.

“Drowning your sorrows, Al?” she asked him. He wouldn't look her in the eye, and she wasn't sure if that was because he was feeling vulnerable or if he was just too drunk to manage it. “You told Fae you weren't going to do this anymore.”

Alaster put his head down on the table, pressing his forehead against the smooth wood. “I know I said that, but it's too hard, okay? I was just going to have one drink but everything is just too hard so I got drunk and now I feel better, okay?”

“Do you? Feel better?” Blue asked, because he didn't look like he felt better.

“Yes, sure, of course I do!” Alaster groaned and shook his head, even as he insisted this. “It's better than thinking about you all bloody day, at any rate!”

It had occurred to Blue that this drinking binge had been triggered by their conversation that morning. Now she really did feel guilty for being too hard on him. But she couldn't let him think that this was what defined their relationship, that she would make an exception for him just to keep him from hurting himself if he didn't like what she had to say.

“You should have stayed,” she said. “You should have talked to me.”

“Oh, because you seemed so bloody interested in talking,” Alaster replied with a snort. And Blue had to admit that he had a point. She'd been a bit cold in her attempt to avoid entering a serious relationship with him.

“I mean,” he continued, “I only bared my fucking heart to you and you just stomped on it like it was nothing but sure, I should have stayed and talked. Should have let you drive me home because apparently I can't be trusted to get there on my own.”

“Apparently,” Blue deadpanned.

After all, she'd let him go and this was the result. He was a grown man and he needed to make his own decisions. She and Fae couldn't baby him for the rest of his life. They couldn't monitor his every move, terrified that he was going to get himself in too deep again. All they could do was try to guide him in the right direction.

You can lead a horse to water, she thought, but you can't make him drink.

The server came back by with the glass of water, speak of the devil. Alaster ignored it, still refusing to lift his head up from the table. He was silent for a long moment and Blue started to wonder if he'd passed out.

“You know,” Alaster said suddenly, straightening up from the table and catching Blue a little by surprise, “I was just fine before you came along.”

“What, back in England?” Blue asked. They'd known each other since high school, after all.

Alaster waved a hand at her. “No, no, after that, after I met you, but you know, before you.”

“Are you speaking in code?” Blue furrowed her brow as she tried to puzzle out what he was trying to say. “Al, that doesn't make any sense.”

“Look,” said Alaster, and he casually reached for his beer. Blue grabbed said beer and replaced it with the glass of water, which didn't seem to bother Alaster, since he just took the glass of water instead and took a long drink from it.

He sat the glass down and then stared at her, squinting his eyes as though he couldn't see her well. Blue stared back at him, waiting for him to finish whatever it was he'd been about to say.

After entirely too long, Alaster said, “What?”

“You said 'look' and then you didn't say anything else,” Blue prompted.

“Oh! Right!” He took another drink of water. “It's just that things used to be easier and then you, just, were there being a waitress and everything and now it's all to hell, woman. It's all to hell. I have a serious problem.”

“Yes,” Blue agreed. “It's called alcoholism.”

“No, not that! It's a different problem!”

“You lack social skills? You smoke too much? You're a total asshole?”

“You're the problem, woman!” He shook a finger at her drunkenly. “I can't stop thinking about you. I can't – can't make it stop and I want it to stop, okay? I don't need this.”

He burped loudly, something he would have been horribly embarrassed by if he'd been sober.

Blue waved the server back over and asked for the check, crossing her fingers that it wasn't outrageous. Alaster was pretty trashed.

“Well, say something,” Alaster persisted, staring at her with such solemnity that anyone seeing him for the first time might have mistakenly thought him an okay guy.

“What do you want me to say?” Blue asked, arching an eyebrow. “You think about me all the time, okay, that's sweet. What do you want me to do about it?”

“Just... Do you do it too?”

“Do what, Al?” Blue was getting worn out with this. Listening to Alaster babble while under the influence wasn't as much fun when she wasn't under the influence herself.

“Think about it! Think about last night,” he clarified. His expression became wistful. “I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. It's driving me mad, woman. I can't even sleep.”

“It ain't even been 24 hours yet, genius. When exactly did it keep you from sleeping?”

Alaster looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think I tried to take a nap on a park bench before I came here.”

Of course, Blue thought, rolling her eyes. Hopefully, he still had his wallet. And this was supposedly before he'd gotten drunk off his ass. She was really starting to think that the man should never be trusted on his own.

“Well, we're going home,” said Blue. The server brought over the bill and Blue's eyes widened when she saw how much it was. With a sigh, she handed the server her bank card. “Fuck, Al, you've had a lot to drink. You know this isn't okay, right?”

“I'm nursing a broken heart,” said Alaster, cradling his water glass as if he still hadn't figured out that it wasn't a beer bottle.

Blue was considering giving him a broken nose to nurse. It seemed like he only ever thought about himself, how much he was hurting, and he never stopped to consider what Fae was going to think about his actions. Fae had probably been worrying herself all day about her brother, and he'd been here all along, drinking himself into a stupor.

“You don't have a broken heart,” she told him with practiced patience.

He looked at her with wide eyes, which were as bright blue as ever. He resembled a kicked puppy.

“I'm telling you I have feelings for you and you don't even care,” he said morosely.

“You ain't got feelings for me,” Blue objected. “You just think you do, alright? You're gonna sober up and by tomorrow you're gonna hate yourself for this whole conversation.”

“But you'll be there,” Alaster said. “When I hate myself, you're always there, even when you're not. My head is full of bullshit most of the time but lately, you're always in it. And last night, when we made love, it felt right. Nothing feels right, but you do, don't you get it?”

Shaking her head, Blue avoided looking at him. He just looked so pitiful. And she'd been waiting for him to realize everything he'd just said, but the only time he ever said stuff like this was when he was drunk or high. She wanted to hear it from him when he was sober, but when he was sober, he was emotionally constipated. Logically speaking, she should be running as far away from this guy as she could get and the only reason she wasn't was that she was drawn to him in a way she couldn't explain.

The server brought back her card. Blue thanked him and stood up from the booth.

“Al, come with me,” she said, trying to pull the man up. He reluctantly obeyed and let her lead him, stumbling, to the exit. “I'll take you back to my apartment and you can sleep this off on the couch. If you still wanna talk about it tomorrow, when you can actually think straight, I'll listen.”

He leaned heavily against her and she put an arm around his waist to keep him upright.

“Tomorrow,” he repeated with a sharp nod. “Okay, tomorrow. Listen, I'm actually feeling a bit ill. I think I might vomit.”

“Hold it in, buddy.”

Blue picked up the pace and got them out of the bar as quickly as she could. Once outside, she guided Alaster over to the alley, where he proceeded to throw up basically all of the alcohol he'd consumed. She rubbed his back soothingly and did her best to avoid the pool of sick on the pavement.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” she asked with genuine confusion. “I know that you had to drink a lot to make yourself this sick.”

Alaster shuddered and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Just trying to have a good time.”

“Well, you're shit at having a good time.”

She walked him over to where she'd parked her car and helped him into the passenger's side seat. He looked exhausted, the street lights giving his already pale skin an unhealthy sheen. After making sure Alaster's seat belt was buckled, she took out her cellphone and dialed Fae's number.

“Did you find him?” Fae asked when she answered.

“Yeah,” said Blue. She sat down in the driver's seat and spared a glance at Alaster. The man was staring out his window, looking like he might fall asleep at any moment. “He went to a bar, got trashed, you know the drill. He's fine otherwise, didn't get himself into any trouble. I told him he could sleep it off at my place.”

“Thank you,” Fae said. She sounded relieved, but disappointed. “I thought he was doing better, I really did.”

Fae was always hoping for the best from people, and so she was often disappointed. Alaster probably disappointed her more than just about anybody else. Sometimes, Blue wondered if the pressure to live up to Fae's expectations didn't make things harder for Alaster, but she didn't dare suggest it to either of them.

“He's trying,” she replied. She really did believe that. A lot of people didn't notice because he was such an asshole, but Blue had seen how hard Alaster tried to do the right thing. What came naturally to Fae seemed far more difficult for her twin brother. But when it came right down to it, Blue thought Alaster had that same spark of genuine kindness in him, he just didn't know what to do with it. Maybe he needed someone who understood that.

“I know he is. Thank you for taking care of him, Blue. It means a lot to me. I hate to ask this but can you drive him home tomorrow?”

“Yeah, of course. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Fae. Say hi to Shadow for me.”

“I will. Goodnight, Blue.”

“Goodnight, Fae.”

Blue ended the call and started her car. She could hear the soft sound of snoring and she realized that Alaster had fallen asleep. She reached over and ruffled his hair, careful not to wake him.

“You're an idiot, Al,” she informed her sleeping companion. Her only answer was more snoring, but she cracked a smile.

At the very least, Alaster kept things interesting.


FIN

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