Another day on his own in the apartment. Alaster was pretty sure he always complained about not being able to just lay around at home all day when he had a job. That was just what you did when you were working, you wished you were home not working. Now that he had all the time in the world to lay around and not work, he found himself bored out of his skull.
Sure, he could watch Netflix. There were plenty of shows he hadn't seen yet but he was having a hard time investing himself in any of them. It was like it took too much effort to start a new series. He was about to give up on refilling his coffee cup too, since that was also too much work. Then again, coffee was a necessity. Alaster eyed his empty mug with a frown for a moment before pushing himself up off the couch to refill it.
Once in a standing position, he kind of remembered why standing was a good idea. The urge to flop back down on the couch was still there but he resisted. Walking from the living room to the kitchen for more coffee was a good idea. Naps were also a good idea. No, coffee was better. He made his way to the kitchen counter and poured the last of the perked coffee into his mug. Sipping at it, he absently set about perking another pot. He was going to need it.
Blue had mentioned something about going over to her mother's house for supper tonight, and Alaster was dreading it. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just Flower, even if Blue's mother tended to fuss over Alaster as though he was a small child. She was a nice enough lady and she was a good cook. But he suspected that Blue's brothers were going to be there as well. Bigelow was alright. Ardan was kind of intimidating, if Alaster was being honest with himself. And not very forgiving of his sister's deadbeat boyfriend.
Now that he was upright, it seemed a shame to sit back down again. He knew if he did, he wouldn't get back up until he had to get more coffee or needed to take a piss. Speaking of taking a piss, now that he thought about it... Leaving his coffee in the kitchen – because no sane person took their coffee to the bathroom with them, that was disgusting – he headed to the bathroom to relieve himself.
He remembered Blue telling him to clean up the bathroom sink the other day and mused on his while thoroughly washing his hands.
It was getting rather crowded on the sink counter, he had to admit. He didn't even use half the stuff he'd left there, he just hardly ever bothered to put things away. Grabbing up the wastebasket, he threw away most of it. He did gather up the scattered emery boards, because those were still useful. He yanked open the cabinet drawer to drop them in, and something caught his attention.
Frowning, he picked up the item that had caught his eye. A very undignified squawk escaped him when he realized what it was.
It was a pregnancy test. There was a pregnancy test in the sink cabinet. It was a used pregnancy test too. It had two lines on it. Fuck, what did two lines mean? Alaster didn't know, he'd never considered what pregnancy test results looked like. It wasn't, like, a little pink plus sign. Did that mean it was negative? If it was negative, why hadn't Blue just thrown it away?
That was when it really sank in for him that the pregnancy test belonged to Blue. He dropped it like it was a venomous snake. No, absolutely not, Blue could not be pregnant. They were always careful. She was on birth control, wasn't she? But that stuff didn't always work, he did know that much. Oh fuck, what was he supposed to do if Blue was pregnant?
Okay, he was getting the cart before the horse. He still didn't even know what the result on this thing was. He pulled out his phone and typed his question into google search, since he couldn't bring himself to ask Siri out loud how to read pregnancy tests.
A few minutes later, he realized that what he was looking at was definitely a positive result. As it turned out, there were other types of pregnancy tests that gave less convoluted results, and Alaster had to wonder why Blue hadn't gotten one of those. Hell, why hadn't she gotten a few different brands? Didn't they do that in romantic comedies? It seemed like a good idea. This was something you wanted to be certain about. You needed to know it was definitely true before you scared the shit out of your boyfriend with it.
Except, there was really no doubting that second visible line on the test. There was always a chance that it could still be wrong but Alaster was pretty sure he didn't have that kind of luck.
Now seemed like a good time to bust out that bottle of whiskey. He headed back to the kitchen in a daze, intending to collect the liquor, but stopped himself from opening the cabinet. He was supposed to visit Blue's family tonight and he needed to pretend he hadn't just stumbled upon life-altering news. If he was sauced, that might be difficult. He wondered how long that test had been laying in that drawer. Maybe Blue had just taken it last night. Maybe she'd known for days and just hadn't bothered to tell him.
Not that he blamed her for being nervous about telling him, because there was no way he was ever going to take news like this well. Not because he hated kids or anything – really, he thought kids were okay – but because Alaster knew that he had no business being a father.
There were lots of reasons why he couldn't be a parent. He was a recovering alcoholic, for one, and a chain smoker. He couldn't hold down a job. He was immature at best, a real asshole at worst. Not to mention, he had no fucking clue what being a father was even supposed to mean. He'd hated his own father, and Aster had been a shitty dad. That was putting it mildly.
They weren't even married. Logically, Alaster knew that two people didn't have to be married to have a kid, but his sense of propriety was railing against the idea. He had to marry her now. Not that he hadn't intended to do that eventually anyway, but he'd hoped it would be some time in the distant future when he'd actually gotten his shit together. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.
Forgoing the whiskey, he took out his phone again and sent a quick text message to his sister.
I think blues pregnant help.
Her response came in mere seconds later.
Alaster, are you drunk?
Scowling, Alaster started to type a response but his phone began to ring. He pinched the bridge of his nose and answered his sister's call, knowing that if he didn't, she'd be worried and upset. Texting her had probably been a bad idea. A long time ago, he'd sworn to stop making Fae deal with his shit. After everything their parents had done to her, she didn't deserve to have to take care of Alaster too.
The thing was, he really didn't have anyone else to call with this. He didn't have, well, any friends outside of the circle he and Blue shared.
“If I wanted to talk to you on the phone, I would have called you,” he said grumpily in greeting.
“I had to make sure you really weren't drunk,” Fae responded. “What do you mean, you think Blue's pregnant?”
“I found a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom.” Alaster ran his hand through his hair. “It's obviously not mine or Roger's, so I'm guessing it belongs to her, yes. I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do, tell me what I'm supposed to do.”
For a moment, there was only silence on the other end. Finally, Fae said, “Oh my God, Alaster. I'm... Congratulations?”
“Congratulations?” Alaster felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head. He definitely did not feel like congratulations were in order.
“Is that not what you wanted me to say?” Fae sounded genuinely concerned. “I'm sorry, I know this has to be scary for you.”
“Scary? It's fucking terrifying!”
“I know,” she soothed, “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said congratulations. Have you asked Blue about it yet?”
Alaster let himself calm down a bit. He was feeling defensive but that was no excuse for taking it out on Fae. And letting himself go into a full-blown panic wasn't a good idea either. He needed to remain calm and logical but that was easier said than done. His free hand gripped a handful of his hair in a punishing grasp as he attempted to keep himself grounded.
“No, I... She's at work. Why didn't she tell me herself?”
“Maybe she only just found out,” Fae reasoned. “If it were me, I'd need some time to accept the news myself before I told anyone else.”
“I'm not 'anyone else,' I'm her boyfriend,” Alaster snapped in response. “This is the sort of thing I need to know.”
“Why, so you can hyperventilate about it in your apartment by yourself?” Fae asked. “Do you need me to come over? I just got home last night but if you need me, all you have to do is say the word.”
Those words solidified Alaster's convictions to never again inconvenience his sister for his own sake. He'd done it too often when they were younger, had stood by and watched while their parents did it, and he owed her too much to ever repeat it.
“I'm fine,” he said. “Well, I'm not fine, I'm freaking the fuck out, but I don't need you to come over. I just... I had to talk to someone about it.”
“Not that I'm not happy to talk to you, but you could call Blue and talk to her about it.”
“No, she's at work,” Alaster said dismissively. He wasn't going to call Blue while she was working and argue with her about this over the phone. He knew they were going to argue, because arguing was what they did, and even if he tried to hold his temper, he was going to stick his foot in his mouth. It would be better if that all happened at home. Also, the idea of actually asking Blue about it was strangely terrifying. “I'll talk to her when she gets home.”
“If you say so.” Fae seemed reluctant to agree, but she seldom pushed an issue if Alaster made his stance on it clear. “For what it's worth, I think you'd be a great dad.”
Bile rose up in Alaster's throat and he had to control the impulse to vomit before he responded. “I don't know how you could think that. We both know I'm the last person on the planet who needs to be a parent. I can't even take care of myself.”
“Please don't start with this again. You've been doing so well, don't do this to yourself. Of course you can take care of yourself. And you could take care of a baby too. If you're just not ready, that's one thing, but don't let what Aster did to us keep you from having a family, I'm begging you.”
She left unspoken that it had kept her from having one. Fae was, in general, a saner, healthier person than Alaster, and if she couldn't allow herself to have a family, it seemed hypocritical of her to insist that Alaster not make the same mistake.
Nonetheless, the idea that he was letting Aster fuck up his life from beyond the grave was abhorrent enough for Alaster to put some actual stock in his sister's request.
“What if it's true?” he asked. “I don't know anything about taking care of a kid.”
“Just think about what Aster did, and always do the opposite,” Fae replied. “It won't be the same, okay? He was a bad person and he didn't love us. Of course you won't be like that. You love Blue, don't you?”
Alaster mumbled an uncomfortable confirmation.
“There, see? It's already different. This baby is going to be part Blue. Of course you're going to love it.”
“I know that,” Alaster hissed. “That's not the problem. What if I fuck things up anyway? It'll be worse. At least Aster didn't feel guilty about being a horrible bastard to us.”
“Alaster Leslie Maxwell Gwillimen, you tell me right now if you think you would ever raise a hand to this child and I will call Blue and tell her to protect herself.”
Fae's voice was stern, and it held an edge to it that Alaster was not used to having directed at himself. He straightened up in his seat, feeling like a chastised child.
“I... No, I wouldn't,” he replied with honesty. “I could never...”
“I know.” Fae's voice became gentle again. “That's what I'm trying to tell you. It's not the same.”
“Shit,” Alaster muttered. “I know you're right, it's just...”
“I can still come over,” Fae offered. “I don't mind.”
“No, it's fine, I'm okay.” He still wasn't keen on interrupting her whole day for this. Besides, he was confident that he would be fine on his own. What he needed right now was a cigarette. He could open the kitchen window and have a smoke, which seemed like a good idea, since he wasn't keen on going out alone, even if it was just down to the parking lot.
“I'll talk to you later, alright?” he said, already reaching for his cigarettes and lighter lying on the coffee table. “I need to think about all of this.”
“As long as you're thinking, not just drinking,” said Fae, as though her admonishing had ever stopped him before.
“Right,” he said and hung up the phone.
–
Blue came home that evening to a strange sight. The living room was spotlessly clean and the kitchen was much the same way. Standing in the kitchen, wearing rubber gloves and cleaning the counter with a sponge, was Alaster.
It wasn't that Alaster never cleaned, but Blue knew that when he cleaned, it was because he was trying not to drink. The kitchen window was open and an ashtray full of cigarette butts was perched on the sill. An empty cigarette package lay beside it.
“How was your day?” she asked as she deposited her bag and car keys on the kitchen table. Alaster turned to look at her and he looked oddly pale. “You could have called me and asked me to pick up cigarettes for you, or walked down to the gas station. Are you feeling alright?”
“Oh,” he said, sounding startled. “It's fine.”
“Well, we can stop on our way to Mom's this evening,” Blue offered, though this was mostly her way of reminding him that he'd agreed to dinner with her mother.
“Yes,” he agreed, “we could do that.”
He was avoiding making eye contact with her, which was unusual. In general, his behavior was strange. It felt to Blue as though they were on the verge of an argument, only she didn't know what they were going to argue about. If Alaster had known about the baby, she was confident that they would have argued about that, but otherwise things had been uncommonly good between them.
“Oh, and Ardan's going to be there,” Blue added, watching her boyfriend carefully to gauge his reaction.
“I figured,” said Alaster. He wrung out the sponge in the sink and peeled off his rubber gloves.
“Did something happen today that you're not telling me about?” she asked.
Alaster looked at her and finally met her gaze. “... No, nothing happened. What about you? Is there anything you're not telling me?”
The question caught her off guard. Did he know about the baby? Impossible. She'd only known about it herself for a few days, had only gone to a doctor to confirm day before yesterday, and she hadn't told anyone else about it except for her mother.
She gazed back at him, wondering what he might be referring to, trying to decide if now was the right moment to drop this bomb on him.
“I'm pregnant,” she said after a moment. It was better this way, like ripping off a band-aid.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Alaster snapped in immediate response.
“Well, I'm telling you now,” Blue replied, feeling a bit offended by his reaction. When was she supposed to have told him? When she first suspected? When she'd taken the home pregnancy test? Perhaps after her doctor's appointment would have been a good idea, but she'd still been digesting the information herself.
It was a terrifying notion, to know that a new life was growing inside of her body. Blue had always sort of wanted kids, but in an abstract way, like perhaps she'd come across an orphan by accident or something. She still wasn't certain that going through with the pregnancy was a good idea. Aside from all the horror stories she'd heard about childbirth, actually having a child that would be her responsibility was an intimidating notion. She wasn't convinced that she would be any good at raising a kid. She wasn't sure that she wanted to have something else to take care of that would inevitably take her attention away from Alaster.
“You could have at least hidden the test thing,” Alaster said, looking disgusted. “Don't you have to piss on those things? And you just left it laying in the sink cabinet drawer. I picked it up with my bare hands.”
“Oh!” Blue brightened when she realized why he was upset. “You found the test. You never put anything away, I didn't think you'd look in there. And I didn't tell you to pick it up, did I?”
“That's not the point,” Alaster declared. “Why the hell didn't you tell me that you're...!”
He trailed off, as though unwilling to say the word out loud, and his face turned bright red. Blue noticed that his hands were shaking, ever so slightly.
“Pregnant?” She supplied for him.
“Yes!”
“I didn't know for sure until a couple of days ago. I probably should have told you right after I took that test, but in my defense, you don't handle news like this very well.” She could tell by the sour look that crossed Alaster's face that he wasn't impressed with her reasoning, but it was true. He'd been doing well lately, but that just meant that before long, he was due for another downturn. She was just trying to keep him in a good place for as long as possible.
It probably seemed to him like she treated him like a child, and that wasn't too far from the truth, really. She didn't think of him as a child, at any rate, but she saw it as her responsibility to help him care for himself. He wasn't good at taking care of himself. Some people weren't, she supposed.
“I had a right to know,” Alaster grumbled. He was hurt and offended, she knew. “Did you think I couldn't handle it?”
“It's not that you can't handle it,” said Blue earnestly. “But you have a tendency to lean on the bottle when things get too hard, don't you?”
He stood a little straighter, scowling. “I'll have you know that I haven't touched a fucking drop all day.”
Blue was moderately impressed by this. It spoke well of him that he hadn't drowned his sorrows instead of cleaning the apartment. There was alcohol in the apartment. She didn't try to keep it away from him. After all, he was his own person and he had to make his own choices. Although it sometimes felt like it would be easier to put a foot down and ban him from the booze, she knew better.
Her father used to say you could lead a horse to water but you couldn't make him drink. She thought that probably meant something like you could show a person a better way but you couldn't force them down that road. All she ever did for Al in this regard was hold out a hand to him. He never took it, of course, but he followed at his own pace, even if he took the occasional detour.
“I'm glad,” she said, allowing a smile. “I meant to tell you sooner. I'm sorry.”
“Whatever, I don't care.” He sat down heavily in a kitchen chair and started at the wall. “I'm not ready to have a kid.”
Blue tried to ignore the little pain in her chest at hearing those words. She'd expected them, of course. This was one of the reasons she hadn't gathered up enough courage to tell him yet. And she knew he didn't mean it so unkindly as it sounded. She understood because she was afraid of having a kid too, but she couldn't help that she loved it already. It was Alaster's child, after all. She knew it would be a wonderful kid, clever and creative and driven.
Nonetheless, she'd considered terminating the pregnancy. What she loved right now, she knew, was the idea of the child, not the child itself, which could hardly be considered a child at present. This didn't have to happen right now. They could still wait a while, be in a better place, before they took this step. They were both still young.
“There's a clinic,” she said carefully, “just on the other side of town. We don't have to have a kid right now, babe.”
At this, he turned to look at her, alarmed. “What are you saying? You want to kill it?”
“Easy does it.” She held up her hands. “What you want matters just as much as what I want, is all I'm saying. It's just that if you're not ready to have a kid, maybe we shouldn't have one yet. Maybe I'm not ready for it either. It's not far along. I could get this taken care of and our lives can go back to normal.”
“Since when were our lives normal?” he snorted, but he still looked disturbed. “Seems cruel...”
“It's not,” she assured him. “Maybe it would be cruel to have a child before we're ready.”
“Can I think about it?” he asked. His face had gone from red to green.
Blue didn't point out to him that she was the one who needed to do the most thinking. And she didn't tell him he didn't have a say in what she did with her body. She was confident he understood that her body was her own, but this was a decision they needed to make as a couple, for the sake of their relationship. She had no desire to make him feel like he didn't have any control over something that could affect his life in such a massive way.
“Of course,” she said, walking over to him to lean down and kiss his forehead. “Of course, Al.”
–
Blue's mother met them at the front door, all smiles, and kissed her daughter's cheek first and then kissed Alaster's cheek as well. She didn't seem to mind when his expression of horror when she pulled back. Flower had never been much bothered by Alaster's gruff manner. Much like she might have teased a reticent child, she reached up and ruffled his hair.
“Goodness me, sweetie, you're looking skinnier than the last time I saw you,” she fussed over Alaster as she beckoned them both into the house. “Hasn't my daughter been feeding you well enough?”
Instead of arguing with her mother, Blue just rolled her eyes and smirked at Alaster. Alaster was not reassured. Flower always acted like he looked like he was starving to death, and she insisted on making him eat extra when they came over for dinner, as though she couldn't trust Blue to make sure he was eating enough. It seemed like everyone they knew saw Alaster as an invalid.
And what business did invalids have trying to raise children? Alaster couldn't stop thinking about what Blue had said earlier, about how it would be cruel to have a child before they were ready. What that really meant was that Blue didn't think Alaster was ready for a kid either. And that was fine, he understood why she thought that, and he didn't disagree. For some reason though, the idea of Blue getting an abortion because Alaster was still a mess really didn't sit well with him.
That morning, he'd been distraught at the idea of having a child. Now, it was almost like Blue was telling him he wasn't worthy of their child, at least not yet. That hurt. It had kept him quiet, lost in thought, since their conversation in the kitchen.
Blue's younger brother Ardan was lounging on the living room couch. Despite being four years younger than Alaster, Ardan was a lot taller. Alaster didn't consider himself to be short but he was only 5'8” to Ardan's solid six feet.
The younger Grass child glanced up at Alaster when he stepped into the room. He nodded his head by way of a greeting. Alaster nodded back and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. It occurred to him that if Ardan found out that Alaster had gotten his sister pregnant, the other man might get rather angry with him, even if it really wasn't Alaster's fault.
Then again, if Blue was thinking seriously about terminating the pregnancy, she probably hadn't told her family about it. Well, perhaps she'd spoken with her mother but she wouldn't have told Ardan about it.
Ardan had the television on and was watching some old black and white western film. It looked dreadfully boring and Alaster could already see himself falling asleep on the couch before dinner. Fuck, he was bored lately.
He was home alone doing nothing every day. Blue wouldn't even have to quit her job if she wanted to have the kid, she could just leave it with Alaster while she was at work. He didn't especially want to take care of a baby all day but it wasn't like he wasn't capable. Or maybe Blue really did think he wasn't and that was that. Maybe he was overthinking all of this. He had a tendency to do that.
“Ardie, sweetheart,” Flower called from the kitchen. “You might need to check on the cow again.”
“Sure,” Ardan called back and he turned to look at Alaster and turned off the television. “Alright, Al, come with me. The cow's been in labor all evening and I might need help pulling a calf. Think you can handle that?”
Alaster did not think he could handle that.
“I doubt I'd be much help,” he said, displaying his skinny arms to prove his point.
“I insist,” said Ardan, and what could Alaster say after that? All he could do was follow Ardan, as per the other man's instructions, and pray to a nonexistent god that he wouldn't really have to help 'pull a calf.'
The Grass homestead wasn't huge – about 25 acres of land or so – but Flower kept a few animals, primarily a Jersey cow and a couple of goats that she milked by hand. Alaster did not pretend to understand the first thing about farming. Luckily, Blue had never insisted that he learn. Ardan was a different story. He considered Alaster to be completely useless on a good day. When they were forced to interact, Ardan often came up with jobs he needed Alaster to help him with, all of which fell far outside of Alaster's admittedly limited skill set.
The cow was fussing in the barn where she'd been pinned up in a stall. Alaster grimaced when he got a look at her. The calf's feet were already sticking out and the poor creature seemed pained. This was not particularly something Alaster had ever wanted to see.
Ardan stepped into the stall and seemed to observe the cow with a critical eye for a few long moments before he sighed and said, “Yep, I think we're gonna have to pull it.”
“Are you sure?” Alaster questioned, desperate to get out of whatever it was this job entailed. He was certain it was going to be gross and he was going to hate it. Most things Ardan asked him to help with fell within those parameters, like changing the oil in a car or cleaning out the chicken shed.
“Come on, make yourself useful,” said Ardan.
Reluctantly, Alaster stepped into the stall as well, staring at the cow with undisguised disgust. She seemed equally perturbed by his presence and took a step away from him. Her breathing was labored, and Alaster wondered how long she'd been standing out here trying to give birth to her offspring.
“I'll grab one leg, you grab the other,” Ardan instructed and he grasped one of the protruding feet, still covered with what Alaster supposed was the amniotic sack.
He hesitated before grabbing the other foot, swallowing down the feeling of nausea he could feel growing. “You're sure it won't just come out on its own?”
“Alaster.” Ardan caught his gaze and held it. “Grab that foot and pull when I tell you to pull.”
Closing his eyes, Alaster grabbed the disgusting foot, and on Ardan's command, he pulled.
It seemed the cow hadn't needed much help because the calf slipped free after only a couple of harsh tugs from Ardan and Alaster – primarily Ardan, because Alaster was not very strong, something he had long ago learned to accept about himself. It was horrifically gross, covered in gunk and slime, and Alaster sprang away when it slid to the ground, already rubbing his hands on his jeans.
The cow started licking her disgusting offspring and Alaster was obliged to turn away and be sick in a corner.
“If you can't handle this, what are you going to do if you ever have kids?” asked Ardan, which struck a little too close to home at present.
“Not watch,” said Alaster in disgust. “They've got doctors to pull the kid out, right?”
Amusement showed on Ardan's face.
“Is that all there is to it?” Alaster asked, indicating the cow and calf, because it seemed like it had happened all of a sudden and he'd expected it to take longer.
“Well, I've been here all day watching her,” Ardan replied. “She went into labor early this morning. I'd say she's had a pretty rough day. I certainly wouldn't want to be in her place.”
Alaster wouldn't have wanted to be in her place either.
“It's very messy,” he commented, wondering if it was like that for people too. Admittedly, he knew very little on the subject and had never cared to educate himself about it. Did women spend all day in labor too? He did know that labor pains were supposed to be absolutely terrible. If Blue decided to have this kid, was she going to spend hours in pain when she went into labor like this poor cow?
“Sure, it seems that way,” agreed Ardan. “Here in a bit, she'll pass the afterbirth and then eat it.”
“What?” Alaster thought he might be sick again. “That's horrifying.”
“Breakfast of champions,” Ardan replied.
“Is it easier for people?” Alaster couldn't help but ask. He had a feeling Ardan was going to make merciless fun of him for it but the guy was a med student, so he knew this sort of thing and Alaster didn't have a clue about any of it. “I mean, does it take as long?”
“Longer, sometimes.” Ardan busied himself with fetching a fresh bucket of water for the cow while he talked. The cow seemed grateful, immediately sticking her nose in the cold liquid to take a long drink. “I stayed with my cousin a couple of years ago when she had her first. She nearly crushed my hand, she squeezed it so hard. Let me tell you, men have it easy. Women do all of the real work.”
So, not only was Alaster not fit to take care of a child, if he asked Blue to have the kid, he would also be putting her through immense pain. No matter how he looked at this, Alaster couldn't figure out a way to make it okay that he didn't want Blue to have an abortion. It was her body, her life, and where did he get off telling her what to do with it?
He wasn't even sure why he was thinking about asking her to keep it. When he found that test in the bathroom, it hadn't occurred to him that Blue could end the pregnancy and there wouldn't be a child after all. He'd spent the whole day cleaning the kitchen, resigning himself to fatherhood, knowing there was no way out. And now that he'd been presented with a way out, he didn't know what he really wanted.
“You've been with Blue for a while now, Al.” Ardan always shortened Alaster's name, like Blue and the rest of the Grass family. They were obsessed with nicknames. It had been a long time since Alaster had corrected any of them, though once he'd done it every time one of them called him 'Al.' “What gives, man? Are you planning on marrying her any time soon?”
Oh, Alaster really hoped that Ardan didn't know Blue was pregnant and hadn't brought him out here to murder him for dishonoring his sister by knocking her up before they were married.
“Hadn't really thought about it,” Alaster lied. He glanced at the cow, gagging when he saw that it was contentedly licking off the remnants of the amniotic sack still clinging to the calf. “Perhaps we should go back in and tell them the cow's come out of it alright?”
Ardan smirked at Alaster's discomfort but didn't object to going back to the house. Once they were back inside, Alaster made a beeline for the bathroom and scrubbed his hands clean with hot water and soap.
As usual in the Grass household, dinner was a lively affair during which Flower fussed over everyone and the siblings hurled teasing insults at one another across the dining room table. Blue seemed surprisingly cheerful, and Alaster tried to be discreet about staring at her the whole time but he couldn't get over the idea that she was carrying his child inside her body. It seemed unreal. Having children was something that adults did, and Alaster had never in his life felt like a true adult.
After dinner, they said their goodbyes and piled back into Blue's rundown Toyota car. Alaster still hadn't figured out if he had the right to ask Blue to keep the baby, let alone how to ask it.
“You've been very quiet all evening,” Blue commented, eyes on the road as she drove. “Is it about, you know, the baby?”
“Well... Yes.” Alaster scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I mean, I don't know. I guess. All of a sudden, you're pregnant, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that.”
Blue hummed her acknowledgment of his struggle. “Me either, really. I don't know what the right thing to do might be. I don't know if it's right to... to want to have it, considering everything else. I don't want to make a mistake.”
“So, you do want to have it?” Alaster tried to play it cool but a note of urgency still crept into his voice.
She glanced over at him for just a moment and then turned her gaze back to the road. Her knuckles tightened on the steering wheel.
“Would it be so bad if I did want it?” she asked, her voice soft.
Alaster swallowed around the lump in his throat. He was almost afraid to respond, lest his voice crack and give away how terrified he was of all of this.
“Part you, part me,” Blue continued, sounding wistful. “Poor thing would be doomed, wouldn't it?”
Yeah, it probably would be doomed. Plenty of people were, Alaster supposed. The real question, as Fae had pointed out to him over the phone, was whether or not this child was wanted. If they wanted it, if they loved it, maybe it wouldn't matter if it turned out just as crazy as Alaster was himself.
“I want it,” he blurted out. He felt his face heat up with embarrassment as soon as he said the words, but at last he'd said them and the cat was out of the bag. He didn't look over at Blue, too afraid of what he might see on her face right now. “I know it's not my place, it's your body and all of that, but it's my kid too and I...”
As he'd feared, his voice cracked and he trailed off.
Blue reached over and put her hand on his shoulder. “You mean that, Al?”
He dared to look at her and saw that there was a small, hopeful smile on her face.
“Yeah,” he confirmed, though he was still terrified. “I do mean that.”
“Okay.” Blue nodded, her smile growing. “Then I guess we've got our answer. We're having a baby.”
TBC
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