A/N: I think I want to leave the exact chronological placement of this story up for debate for the time being. I occasionally can't resist writing a sappy moment between these two. Sigh, would that I could come up with a good ship name for them. A/B works, I guess, lol.
Blue Things
Blue smoothed Alaster's sweaty hair back from his face, taking the opportunity to admire his elegant features. She found him beautiful, and she'd always had a weakness for beautiful things. Her fingers trailed across his high cheekbones, down his face to his chest where the Cerebrum crystal rested against his bare chest. It was cool to the touch.
“These things,” she murmured, her hand moving to touch the blue crystal hanging around her own neck, “they're so small and yet so much has happened because we found them.”
She thought back on that day, months ago now, when she'd seen him for the first time in Vana Vale's library. His eyes had captivated her then, and still did now. They were so blue, as blue as the Codex crystal, glittering like glass beads in the sunlight. She had never seen eyes like his before. Really, she should have known then and there that it was only a matter of time before they collided with one another.
Even now, he was beautiful to her. The healthy shine to his hair was gone these days. He'd lost weight and seemed to always have dark bags beneath his eyes from lack of sleep. His anxiety over the coming conflict with Lord Detraf showed in the slight tremor in his hands. Blue was not certain there was anything anyone could do to make him any less beautiful. The beauty only changed shape, pride slowly morphing to humility. He had fallen from grace, perhaps, or perhaps he'd finally found it within himself.
“The crystals aren't the reason for everything that has happened,” Alaster corrected her, lazily stroking her arm. He was affectionate with her behind these closed doors in a way she knew he could not bear to be in front of their companions. “The evil that lies beneath us. Detraf calls it the Darkness. Bit trite for a name for an evil force, if you ask me.”
“He's a classy guy, alright,” Blue said with a snort.
“He's dangerous.” Alaster's eyes grew distant, as though he was falling into some memory. Blue knew better by now than to try and shake him free from whatever images he saw in his mind. “He wants me to... join him, wants to use my powers. And I'm not sure I can stop him. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to escape him.”
Blue curled against him, her arms encircling him to hold him in a secure embrace. “He won't have you, love. You're already mine.”
It scared her how vulnerable Alaster was to that son of a bitch. Alaster's powers, his only weapon he could use to defend himself, were what made him vulnerable to Detraf. The lord might not have been able to persuade Alaster to join him, but he'd succeeded in crippling his ability to fight back.
As for herself, she knew how to fight and defend herself from most things. She wished Detraf would attack them with brute force instead of attacking Alaster and Artemis with telepathy. There wasn't a damn thing Blue could do to fight back against warfare that took place entirely in the mind. The only one among them who could potentially do that was Alaster, and even though he'd gained more control over his abilities as of late, he was hesitant to try and use them in combat. It made him uncomfortable to invade another person's mind, she knew, even when he did so by accident. Alaster did not trust his own power. Or, perhaps, he was hesitant to do anything that made him more like Detraf, for fear of becoming what Detraf wanted him to become.
“I'm yours?” Alaster echoed with a smirk. He seemed to come back to himself, casting off the shadow that so often settled on him when they discussed their mutual enemy. “You sure you actually want that?”
Blue hummed, pretending to mull the matter over. “You are quite obnoxious, now that I think about it. And you can't fight, or heal, or even cook, so you're really pretty useless. Worse than that, I'm all the time having to save you from something. You're a liability even. In fact, it seems I've planned this poorly. Would you consider giving my heart back to me, by any chance?”
The blush that traveled to the tips of his ears always thrilled her. What she'd just said was tantamount to saying she was in love with him, which neither of them had confirmed out loud just yet. She figured it would take Alaster a while to be able to make those words pass his lips. That was alright. She was patient and she could wait.
“As I suspected,” she murmured. “No refunds.”
“Sorry,” he breathed, and he'd said that word an awful lot lately. She wanted to tell him not to, that he had nothing to be sorry for, but it wasn't her place to make that decision for him. She could tell him not to be sorry until the cows came home, but he had to come to the understanding himself that he was not at fault for anything.
Instead, she pressed her mouth against his shoulder, kissing the soft flesh there.
“I'm a coward,” he said through gritted teeth. “And don't say I'm not, I know what I am. I'm fucking terrified. I'm afraid to go to sleep because he might be there again. I'm weak.”
She wanted to tell him that it was okay to be weak, to be soft, but she wasn't sure if she had any business making that decision for him either.
“What if he comes back?” Alaster's voice cracked, just a little.
“You fight,” Blue replied.
They both knew he wasn't a fighter. And they both knew that he was the only one who could fight Detraf like this. Sooner or later, Alaster would have to learn to master his gift, as would all of them who carried the crystals. It was inevitable, but Alaster was putting it off, still not ready to cope with it.
“What if I can't fight him?” the fairy asked, staring up at the dingy ceiling of the room. “He's stronger than me. If he manages to, I don't know, to brainwash me or something, I... Nelfkin, if it comes to that, you've got to kill me. I can't be his pawn. I'd rather die, I swear to you.”
Her gut twisted at the thought of harming him. It would be impossible for her to ever honor that request, supposing Detraf really did manage to somehow take control of Alaster's mind. He had to know that by now.
“You know,” she began in a soft tone, “I know, maybe, a bit of what you're feeling. I know that fear. It doesn't make you weak, I promise. I thought it did for a long time when I was younger. Honestly, I let it make me bitter. Now, I've learned that what happened didn't make me less of a person.”
His hand reached out to grasp her elbow. “What happened?”
Blue took a deep breath as she thought back on the incident that had marked the beginning of her life as a guide. It was hard to talk about but the pain of the memory had grown dull over time. Sometimes she scolded herself for letting it bother her. After all, she escaped before she could be harmed. Somehow, it had stuck with her.
“I was young,” she said, closing her eyes as she thinks back on it. “I hadn't been traveling on my own for very long. One night, I woke up with a man holding me down. I shudder to think what his intentions were but I stabbed him with a knife and got free. After that, it took me a while to feel at ease again. You think you're safe until someone shows you that you're not, and after that, you can't forget.”
The fairy shuddered and pulled her close. Blue liked the feel of his arms around her, as though to protect her. She rested her head on his chest and sighed in contentment.
“After that, you still wanted to be a guide?” he asked her. “Even though you knew how dangerous it was?”
“Yes.” Blue nodded. “No matter what happened to me, I knew what I wanted to do and I wasn't going to let someone else keep me from doing it.”
Her companion huffed at that. “I guess you always knew what you wanted to do, didn't you? Must be nice.”
“Mm, I'm not sure 'nice' is the word I would use.” Blue listened to Alaster's heartbeat, smiling at the steady rhythm. “I think it led me to this, to you, and for that, I'm grateful. But I don't think I'll spend the rest of my life doing it. I used to think I would. Now, I guess I've started to wonder what it would be like to live a peaceful life after all this is over.”
They seldom talked about the future. She didn't want to make Alaster feel like she expected a normal relationship if they survived this quest. Nothing about either of them was normal, to begin with, and if they took comfort from one another when there was little else to take comfort from, there was nothing wrong with that. If they parted ways, she would not regret the time they had spent together.
“Maybe I'll settle down, have a couple of kids,” she said. “I wouldn't mind working in a big library. I've always wanted to see the one in Ar, where they worship Skye. The Codex tells me that nelfkins used to work there. I can't imagine it. The elves would probably never agree to it, but it seems like it would be an interesting occupation. What about you, Al? Have you thought any more about what you'll do after this?”
“I don't expect to survive,” said Alaster, as fatalistic as ever. “Let's be realistic about it, this quest is probably going to kill all of us, but it'll get me even if it doesn't get anyone else. Hell, even Artemis stands a better chance. At least she can fight.”
Blue craned her neck to look up at him. In the faint light, his blue eyes looked almost as dark as his sister's were.
“On the off chance, then,” she said. “If you survived, what would you do?”
“No bloody clue,” Alaster replied, one side of his mouth twitching up into not quite a smile. “Probably follow Fae around, try not to get myself killed.”
“You could come with me.” Blue's heart skipped a beat when she spoke the words out loud. “I mean, not that you'd want to, probably, but if you wanted to.”
The fairy tensed up, and Blue mentally kicked herself for getting too serious too soon. Or getting serious at all. Of course Alaster wasn't ready for this conversation and why did Blue have to make this thing more serious than it had to be? They didn't have to be in love. Blue wasn't even sure she believed in love. And yet, with him, it seemed like a more realistic possibility. More than that, it felt inevitable.
But she'd gone and made it weird, and she just hoped he let her down easy and didn't laugh at her for thinking he'd want to share his life with her.
“Are you serious?” Alaster didn't sound like he was laughing. Actually, he kind of sounded like he was panicking. “Nelfkin, tell me if you're serious, I really can't tell.”
Propping herself up on one elbow, Blue looked him in the eyes. His brow was creased in concern and he stared back at her. She reached out and cupped his cheek with one hand and kissed him again. It only took him a moment to respond and deepen the kiss. Blue thought she could have kissed him forever. Funny how this sort of thing had never mattered to her much before, but with him, it like a revelation.
When they broke apart again, she asked, “Did that feel like I was serious?”
Alaster looked a bit dazed but he swallowed and nodded. “It's always felt serious, nelfkin. I don't think I could be anything but serious about you.”
“Aw, Al, what a sweet thing to say.” She kissed his cheek. “So that's a yes? You'll come with me?”
He held up a hand. “Sure, but let me remind you, odds of me surviving this are slim.”
“Yeah? I think I'll take those odds.” Blue kissed him again.
FIN
“These things,” she murmured, her hand moving to touch the blue crystal hanging around her own neck, “they're so small and yet so much has happened because we found them.”
She thought back on that day, months ago now, when she'd seen him for the first time in Vana Vale's library. His eyes had captivated her then, and still did now. They were so blue, as blue as the Codex crystal, glittering like glass beads in the sunlight. She had never seen eyes like his before. Really, she should have known then and there that it was only a matter of time before they collided with one another.
Even now, he was beautiful to her. The healthy shine to his hair was gone these days. He'd lost weight and seemed to always have dark bags beneath his eyes from lack of sleep. His anxiety over the coming conflict with Lord Detraf showed in the slight tremor in his hands. Blue was not certain there was anything anyone could do to make him any less beautiful. The beauty only changed shape, pride slowly morphing to humility. He had fallen from grace, perhaps, or perhaps he'd finally found it within himself.
“The crystals aren't the reason for everything that has happened,” Alaster corrected her, lazily stroking her arm. He was affectionate with her behind these closed doors in a way she knew he could not bear to be in front of their companions. “The evil that lies beneath us. Detraf calls it the Darkness. Bit trite for a name for an evil force, if you ask me.”
“He's a classy guy, alright,” Blue said with a snort.
“He's dangerous.” Alaster's eyes grew distant, as though he was falling into some memory. Blue knew better by now than to try and shake him free from whatever images he saw in his mind. “He wants me to... join him, wants to use my powers. And I'm not sure I can stop him. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to escape him.”
Blue curled against him, her arms encircling him to hold him in a secure embrace. “He won't have you, love. You're already mine.”
It scared her how vulnerable Alaster was to that son of a bitch. Alaster's powers, his only weapon he could use to defend himself, were what made him vulnerable to Detraf. The lord might not have been able to persuade Alaster to join him, but he'd succeeded in crippling his ability to fight back.
As for herself, she knew how to fight and defend herself from most things. She wished Detraf would attack them with brute force instead of attacking Alaster and Artemis with telepathy. There wasn't a damn thing Blue could do to fight back against warfare that took place entirely in the mind. The only one among them who could potentially do that was Alaster, and even though he'd gained more control over his abilities as of late, he was hesitant to try and use them in combat. It made him uncomfortable to invade another person's mind, she knew, even when he did so by accident. Alaster did not trust his own power. Or, perhaps, he was hesitant to do anything that made him more like Detraf, for fear of becoming what Detraf wanted him to become.
“I'm yours?” Alaster echoed with a smirk. He seemed to come back to himself, casting off the shadow that so often settled on him when they discussed their mutual enemy. “You sure you actually want that?”
Blue hummed, pretending to mull the matter over. “You are quite obnoxious, now that I think about it. And you can't fight, or heal, or even cook, so you're really pretty useless. Worse than that, I'm all the time having to save you from something. You're a liability even. In fact, it seems I've planned this poorly. Would you consider giving my heart back to me, by any chance?”
The blush that traveled to the tips of his ears always thrilled her. What she'd just said was tantamount to saying she was in love with him, which neither of them had confirmed out loud just yet. She figured it would take Alaster a while to be able to make those words pass his lips. That was alright. She was patient and she could wait.
“As I suspected,” she murmured. “No refunds.”
“Sorry,” he breathed, and he'd said that word an awful lot lately. She wanted to tell him not to, that he had nothing to be sorry for, but it wasn't her place to make that decision for him. She could tell him not to be sorry until the cows came home, but he had to come to the understanding himself that he was not at fault for anything.
Instead, she pressed her mouth against his shoulder, kissing the soft flesh there.
“I'm a coward,” he said through gritted teeth. “And don't say I'm not, I know what I am. I'm fucking terrified. I'm afraid to go to sleep because he might be there again. I'm weak.”
She wanted to tell him that it was okay to be weak, to be soft, but she wasn't sure if she had any business making that decision for him either.
“What if he comes back?” Alaster's voice cracked, just a little.
“You fight,” Blue replied.
They both knew he wasn't a fighter. And they both knew that he was the only one who could fight Detraf like this. Sooner or later, Alaster would have to learn to master his gift, as would all of them who carried the crystals. It was inevitable, but Alaster was putting it off, still not ready to cope with it.
“What if I can't fight him?” the fairy asked, staring up at the dingy ceiling of the room. “He's stronger than me. If he manages to, I don't know, to brainwash me or something, I... Nelfkin, if it comes to that, you've got to kill me. I can't be his pawn. I'd rather die, I swear to you.”
Her gut twisted at the thought of harming him. It would be impossible for her to ever honor that request, supposing Detraf really did manage to somehow take control of Alaster's mind. He had to know that by now.
“You know,” she began in a soft tone, “I know, maybe, a bit of what you're feeling. I know that fear. It doesn't make you weak, I promise. I thought it did for a long time when I was younger. Honestly, I let it make me bitter. Now, I've learned that what happened didn't make me less of a person.”
His hand reached out to grasp her elbow. “What happened?”
Blue took a deep breath as she thought back on the incident that had marked the beginning of her life as a guide. It was hard to talk about but the pain of the memory had grown dull over time. Sometimes she scolded herself for letting it bother her. After all, she escaped before she could be harmed. Somehow, it had stuck with her.
“I was young,” she said, closing her eyes as she thinks back on it. “I hadn't been traveling on my own for very long. One night, I woke up with a man holding me down. I shudder to think what his intentions were but I stabbed him with a knife and got free. After that, it took me a while to feel at ease again. You think you're safe until someone shows you that you're not, and after that, you can't forget.”
The fairy shuddered and pulled her close. Blue liked the feel of his arms around her, as though to protect her. She rested her head on his chest and sighed in contentment.
“After that, you still wanted to be a guide?” he asked her. “Even though you knew how dangerous it was?”
“Yes.” Blue nodded. “No matter what happened to me, I knew what I wanted to do and I wasn't going to let someone else keep me from doing it.”
Her companion huffed at that. “I guess you always knew what you wanted to do, didn't you? Must be nice.”
“Mm, I'm not sure 'nice' is the word I would use.” Blue listened to Alaster's heartbeat, smiling at the steady rhythm. “I think it led me to this, to you, and for that, I'm grateful. But I don't think I'll spend the rest of my life doing it. I used to think I would. Now, I guess I've started to wonder what it would be like to live a peaceful life after all this is over.”
They seldom talked about the future. She didn't want to make Alaster feel like she expected a normal relationship if they survived this quest. Nothing about either of them was normal, to begin with, and if they took comfort from one another when there was little else to take comfort from, there was nothing wrong with that. If they parted ways, she would not regret the time they had spent together.
“Maybe I'll settle down, have a couple of kids,” she said. “I wouldn't mind working in a big library. I've always wanted to see the one in Ar, where they worship Skye. The Codex tells me that nelfkins used to work there. I can't imagine it. The elves would probably never agree to it, but it seems like it would be an interesting occupation. What about you, Al? Have you thought any more about what you'll do after this?”
“I don't expect to survive,” said Alaster, as fatalistic as ever. “Let's be realistic about it, this quest is probably going to kill all of us, but it'll get me even if it doesn't get anyone else. Hell, even Artemis stands a better chance. At least she can fight.”
Blue craned her neck to look up at him. In the faint light, his blue eyes looked almost as dark as his sister's were.
“On the off chance, then,” she said. “If you survived, what would you do?”
“No bloody clue,” Alaster replied, one side of his mouth twitching up into not quite a smile. “Probably follow Fae around, try not to get myself killed.”
“You could come with me.” Blue's heart skipped a beat when she spoke the words out loud. “I mean, not that you'd want to, probably, but if you wanted to.”
The fairy tensed up, and Blue mentally kicked herself for getting too serious too soon. Or getting serious at all. Of course Alaster wasn't ready for this conversation and why did Blue have to make this thing more serious than it had to be? They didn't have to be in love. Blue wasn't even sure she believed in love. And yet, with him, it seemed like a more realistic possibility. More than that, it felt inevitable.
But she'd gone and made it weird, and she just hoped he let her down easy and didn't laugh at her for thinking he'd want to share his life with her.
“Are you serious?” Alaster didn't sound like he was laughing. Actually, he kind of sounded like he was panicking. “Nelfkin, tell me if you're serious, I really can't tell.”
Propping herself up on one elbow, Blue looked him in the eyes. His brow was creased in concern and he stared back at her. She reached out and cupped his cheek with one hand and kissed him again. It only took him a moment to respond and deepen the kiss. Blue thought she could have kissed him forever. Funny how this sort of thing had never mattered to her much before, but with him, it like a revelation.
When they broke apart again, she asked, “Did that feel like I was serious?”
Alaster looked a bit dazed but he swallowed and nodded. “It's always felt serious, nelfkin. I don't think I could be anything but serious about you.”
“Aw, Al, what a sweet thing to say.” She kissed his cheek. “So that's a yes? You'll come with me?”
He held up a hand. “Sure, but let me remind you, odds of me surviving this are slim.”
“Yeah? I think I'll take those odds.” Blue kissed him again.
FIN
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