In Dreams

A/N: Another Blue/Al story that I hadn't gotten around to posting. Blue has gained more access to Codex's powers but is having trouble controlling them.

In Dreams

Blue had learned to open and close the floodgates of Codex when waking, but in her sleep, memories that did not belong to her bled into her dreams and made chimeras of her private hopes and fears. It seemed that the Codex had preserved not just Leffi's sizable store of practical information, but also her thoughts and emotions. It was hard to make sense of most of the elf's residual mental stores, as she suspected it would be hard to understand the memories of most people, for they were feelings more than concrete words and images, but some of them were vivid.

Some were not so bad. Blue didn't mind when she dreamed of wandering the Library of Skye, with its thousands of books and scrolls, its fine elf-made architecture, the ornate, colorful glass windows that let in distorted light to dapple the polished floor. Leffi had loved this place. In her darkest moments, it had brought her comfort. The librarian Prudence, with her deep brown eyes and her practicality, had spoken words of wisdom to Leffi that the elf recalled in the nelfkin's voice and these were whispered into Blue's ears sometimes as she looked over remembered pages of literature.

Still, it was strange. It was like stepping into someone else's skin, seeing through their eyes. In many ways, Blue wasn't bothered by it. She thought she liked Leffi, for much the same reasons she liked Zi. Leffi was full of optimism and curiosity. Her studies had been extensive, covering everything from music to combat, from arithmetic to art. Her mind was as full of joy as it was of sadness, but by the same token, the sadness was as deep as the joy was bright.

That night, she did not go to sleep thinking of the long dead scholar she now shared head space with but that did not keep the memories at bay. Her rest was soon disturbed by a sense of unbearable loss. Tossing and turning, she did her best to ignore the voice of Leffi's mind but try as she might, she could not help slipping into Leffi's skin once more and in her mind, she opened Leffi's eyes and saw the scene as vividly as the elf must have done so many years ago.

The sky was dark, the sun blotted out by the miasma that seemed to encroach on everything. Leffi was staggering to her feet, bruised and bleeding but still alive after a brutal attack, and her eyes searched her surroundings for her companions, though her vision was hazy. As it cleared, she saw bodies lying prone on the ground. Blue felt her trepidation as she staggered toward them, murmuring a charm to clear her eyes in lieu of her glasses, which she'd lost in the attack.

One form moved and Leffi breathed a sigh of relief as Wyndal drew himself up from the dirt, righting his own spectacles. For a moment, she thought perhaps that everyone was safe, that the attack had done no real damage. She'd thought their mission might still be fulfilled.

Then, as she stepped toward Wyndal, her foot caught on a body she hadn't seen at first and she pitched forward. Gathering herself up from the ground once more, the battered elf gasped in horror at the sight of Spencer Spencer, crumpled and still, his armor pierced through the breast by a broken blade. She scrambled away from the body that had once been a friend. Trembling, she heard Wyndal calling out to her but she did not answer him. She forced herself to look, to see the other bodies lying not far away.

She saw Meliae rise, as Wyndal had done, injured but alive. The others didn't move. Three forms as still as Spencer, but two were the worst. The twins had died reaching out to one another, their fingers barely touching. Tears blurred Leffi's vision once more. She made her way to them with slow, deliberate steps until she at last dropped to her knees beside Trey, reaching out with shaking hands to check for a pulse she knew was not there.

“No,” the elf muttered, bowing her head, devastated. She had never known pain like this before and it crippled her. “Please, Skye, you cannot take her. Give her back, I beg of you. If there is nothing else you can ever do for me, give her back.”

As usual, Skye did not answer when Leffi called to him. The elf sobbed as she cradled the broken body of the person she'd cared about most in the world, lifting Trey's head, steadfastly ignoring the blood that stained pale golden hair.

Blue felt horror unfurl in her gut as she saw what Leffi saw. She felt the elf's anguish twice over, taking in the elegant features, the delicate skin, the lifeless eyes that stared up at nothing, so very blue, no longer gleaming like the polished surface of the Codex, but dulled in death.

She knew it wasn't real, just her mind confusing Leffi's memories with her own, but it was hard to remember that when she found herself clinging to Alaster's corpse. Tears rolled down her face and her body was wracked with sobs. She ran her fingers through his messy hair, cradled him to her breast and echoed her predecessor's hopeless pleas.

“Not him,” she begged, voice garbled by emotion. “You cannot take him, give him back! I have done as you asked, I have kept faith, I have asked for only one thing, please, you cannot take him!”

Nothing and no one answered and Blue curled around the man she'd grown to love, as though to protect him from the fatal injuries he'd already suffered. The Codex was hot against her skin, nearly burning her, but she ignored it and everything else around her. Her grief was too much to bear. She all but wished she could cut out her own heart to stop the horrible pain in her chest.

Not this. Anything but this, this was too much. No matter what Alaster had warned her, she'd convinced herself that they would both survive the quest. She could not, would not carry on without him. She did not have the will to lift her body from the ground and besides, she had promised not to leave him.

“Nelfkin?”

The familiar voice startled her and Blue looked up to find herself staring into Alaster's face.

–

The nelfkin's dreams of late had been bordering on disturbing. Alaster was still hesitant to enter the minds of others but Blue's had gradually become so familiar to him that her sleeping mind all but called out to him. He could sense her distress, hear faint whispers of her thoughts. His own dreams were brushed aside in an instant when he reached out to her in return.

Her nightmare was bloody. There were bodies that Alaster did not recognize and the nelfkin was on her knees, clinging to one of them and crying. It was a hopeless sound that cut him as keenly as any blade. She was not supposed to make a sound like that.

As he approached her, he recognized the clothing on the body that Blue clung to, ragged from months of travel. His purple tunic was faded and torn. The nelfkin was crying over Alaster's dead body. Bile rose up in Alaster's throat. He thought there were probably few things more horrifying than seeing one's own dead body. The scene didn't make a lot of sense. Who were these other dead people lying about? Not to mention, the nelfkin wasn't usually plagued by these sorts of dreams.

Now that he looked a little closer at the other bodies, he saw that one looked a great deal like him, just with pale blond hair instead of black hair. This was an oddly detailed dream. He could see a silver cuff on the dead fairy's arm like the one Fae wore, the one with the Sentinel crystal set into it. Glancing around, he saw the frozen figures of two other people who were upright and presumably not dead. One was a human man and he wasn't certain what the other one was.

Blue didn't seem to notice her surroundings. She continued to clutch Alaster's deceased doppelganger and cry over it. Her wails made Alaster as sick as the sight of his own lifeless form. All he knew in that moment was that he needed her to stop crying. He needed her to never have a reason to cry like that again. She was the strong one, she wasn't supposed to cry.

He called out to her without thinking. He just wanted her to stop crying.

But she looked up at him, her face red and her eyes glassy from tears. His breath caught in his throat and he didn't know what to say. Was she truly this sad because she thought he was dead? It was just a dream anyway, surely she was logical enough to know that none of this was real. He was unused to the nelfkin displaying her emotions like this.

“That's not me,” he told her, holding her gaze. “I'm not dead, alright? It's just a dream.”

She looked down at the body in her arms again and Alaster saw it change form. Now it was a blond fairy woman, clearly the twin of the dead man lying nearby, and as Blue lowered the body to the ground, Alaster noted the Cerebrum crystal that hung around the woman's neck.

“Great Jill,” Blue said, moving away from the body. “It felt so real. I think it's one of Leffi's memories. This must be what happened to them before. I knew they died but I didn't know how.”

“These are our predecessors?” Alaster asked, looking around at the frozen scene. “Who is who?”

Blue got to her feet, wiping her face on her sleeve. “The man standing over there is Wyndal Thorne, the first Null user. And the other one near him is a nymph, Meliae. She had Shadow's crystal. The dead ones...” Her voice cracked a little as she surveyed the bodies. “Spencer Spencer, a knight of the realm. Trynace and Alyxander Gwilimen are the twins, and then there's the thief, Scarlett. She had the Void crystal.”

“Alyxander...” Alaster mused aloud, crouching down to get a better look at the fairy man's face. “My ancestor. They always said he left Vana Vale and never returned, but no one ever said why. Poor bastard. Lucky thing he had a kid before all this, I suppose.”

“Ando,” said Blue, with a sad smile. “Leffi never saw him, of course, so I don't know what he looked like, but according to Leffi, Alyx was proud of him. By the way, your family seems to really like names that start with the letter 'A.'”

“Because of Alyxander,” Alaster explained. “Ando Gwilimen became a great man and his father was sort of a legend. Of course, I never knew he had a twin. They've erased her from the history books.”

It would have been nice to know something about Trynace. He envied the nelfkin, for in a way, she was capable of speaking with her predecessor. Leffi's memories were all open to her now, but Trynace remained a mystery to Alaster. He wondered what she'd been like, and if she could have offered him any advice. Presumably, she was also possessed of the gift of telepathy.

“Leffi remembers her,” said Blue with a sigh. “Well, I suppose it's the Codex doing the remembering. It's hard to tell sometimes.”

Alaster looked up at her. “What does Leffi remember about her?”

“She was strong, a talented fighter. Leffi respected her a great deal.” The nelfkin looked a little uncomfortable as she spoke. “Leffi was in love with her. Trynace was in love with Spencer.” She motioned to the dead knight's body.

“Well, I hope their knight was more respectable than ours,” Alaster grumbled. He wasn't sure how he felt about his predecessor hooking up with Sir Gwuryn's stand-in.

“According to Leffi, he was as respectable as they come,” Blue said, shrugging her shoulders. A tired grin crossed her face. “I don't have to worry about you falling in love with Sir Gwuryn, do I?”

Alaster smirked at her. “I promise, I only have eyes for you. Also, I'm not dead. Save the tears.”

“I know. But it felt real. Memories aren't supposed to be that clear, you know? The Codex preserved everything she saw and felt exactly as it was. It was like being her. I felt what she felt. Her heart was broken.”

Shivering, Alaster stood back up. “Let's get out of this place. The night's still young and we might as well look at something more pleasant, if you've got any control over what you see.”

“I think I do,” Blue murmured thoughtfully. “Let me try.”

–

The scene rippled and morphed into the Library of Skye. Blue was relieved to not be looking at dead bodies anymore. By the look on his face, so was Alaster. Tucking his hands in his pockets, he turned around in a circle to take in their new surroundings.

“Much better,” he remarked. “Looks a bit like the library in Vana Vale, except bigger.”

“This is the Library of Skye,” Blue explained. She started to walk through the aisles of bookshelves, and Alaster fell into line behind her. “Leffi worked here. Her job was to find rare texts to bring back to the library.”

She wondered if Leffi had ever shared this place with Trynace as she was now sharing it with Alaster. As she thought this, a remembered image of Trynace flickered to life, standing in front of a shelf with a bored expression on her face.

“How strange,” remarked Alaster. “Where did she come from?”

Trynace was radiant, despite her rather cold expression. Alive, she seemed to have more color. She might have looked more like Fae if it hadn't been for the look on her face, which Blue had only ever seen Alaster wear.

“Leffi,” said Blue, as though that explained everything. “I wondered if she'd ever brought Trynace here, and there you have it.”

Now that she'd asked the question, she knew that Leffi and Trynace had spent many hours here together. Trey didn't return Leffi's romantic feelings, but they were dear friends. Perhaps it was because of their respective crystals, but their bond was strong. Combined, Codex and Cerebrum were capable of creating a place like this, hidden away in their users' minds.

“I think we can come here any time we want,” she said.

“Right, well that's convenient,” Alaster replied, arching his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Blue scolded, rolling her eyes.

“A man has needs, you know,” said Alaster, earning himself an exasperated look from Blue. “Well, he has!”

“I think you'll be alright. It's more important to learn what we can from this place.” Blue reached out and took a book from the shelf, cracking it open. She grinned when she saw that it behaved like a real book. It was a volume on early Elf music. “She must have read a lot of books.”

“Surely not all of them,” Alaster remarked.

“Of course not, this is just what she remembers the library looking like,” Blue replied. She replaced the book on the shelf and pulled down another. A smile tugged at her mouth as she remembered the last time she'd been in a library like this. She stole a glance over her shoulder at Alaster's blue eyes. There was no denying that he was a very pretty man, and those eyes had captivated her from the moment she first saw them.

It was peaceful here in the library. Lately, her conscious moments had been full of turmoil. It made her feel worse for Alaster, knowing he'd lived with it longer than she had. The crystals took a toll, but they could be mastered. She would master Codex soon. Leffi's memories told her that it was only a matter of practice, but Leffi had never known exactly how Cerebrum worked, as Trynace had never explained it to her in detail.

Alaster seemed at ease here, however. His posture was relaxed for a change. It seemed like he was always uptight and anxious, but here he held himself with an easy grace, as though he was completely at home. It kind of made her happy that he felt at home in her mind.

“It's incredibly detailed,” her companion marveled, inspecting the craftsmanship of the shelves. “Whoever built this place had money.”

“Yes,” Blue agreed. “It was run by nelfkins. I had no idea, you know, that my people were ever part of something like this. We've been outcasts for a very long time.”

Leffi's memories conjured another image, this time a nelfkin woman in a prim uniform, her dark her pulled back in a neat bun. She was climbing a sliding ladder to shelve a book. Her name was Prudence Bouquet. She was the head librarian, and also Leffi's oldest friend.

“You know, this is only the second nelfkin I've ever seen up close,” Alaster said, stepping closer to the image. “She doesn't really look like you.”

“Did you think we all looked alike?” Blue asked with a scowl. “Of course she doesn't look like me. We're not related, at least not as far as I know.”

“I wonder what happened. I mean, what changed? No one in the realm would hire nelfkins as librarians these days.” Alaster glanced at Blue and had the decency to look sheepish. “Well, I don't agree with it, obviously, but it's true. Something must have happened. Your people truly have no legends of it?”

“Not a one,” said Blue. “All I've ever heard is a few bits of garden wisdom. You know, when to plant corn and such. I thought we must have always been farmers. They did farm too, the ones who worked at the library. Or rather, their families did. And there were nelfkins all over the realm, according to Leffi. There's not many of us now, you know.”

The knowledge that her people had once been thriving and widespread should have made Blue happy, but instead it weighed heavily on her heart. Alaster asked a good question, one she wanted to know the answer to herself, but it must have happened after Leffi's time.

If she survived this quest, she wanted to do something more for her people. Perhaps the nelfkins could form an alliance with the elves, since Zi was Blue's friend and could vouch for them. Maybe the elves knew what had happened. It would be a wonderful thing to work in a library, she thought. There would be so many books to read.

“Shouldn't you get married to a nelfkin chap and have little nelfkins then?” asked Alaster. “You know, help preserve your race and all that.”

“That was never a plan of mine,” she admitted to him. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Gods, no, I wouldn't have anyone to drink with,” the fairy replied, giving her his trademark smirk. Somehow, she found that smirk very attractive. “So you want to work in a library, then?”

Blue cracked a smile. “It wouldn't be a terrible life. Let's face it, you'll never get a decent job to support us, so it might as well be me. I've got a work ethic.”

“You wound me, truly,” said Alaster in a dry tone, “but I'm quite happy to let you do all the work. I'll be your stay-at-home husband.”

“I'll expect you to at least do the housework.”

“I'm allergic to dust, I'm afraid.”

“You're allergic to manual labor.” Blue chuckled and grabbed the front of his tunic, pulling him in for a quick kiss. “At least you're pretty.”

TBC